This morning, I read an editorial in a monthly parenting magazine. The author had made a New Year’s resolution to laugh more. I thought that was a pretty good resolution. Ironically, this afternoon, while searching for quotes for my book , I came across these actual announcements in synagogue bulletins and newsletters. Even spell check wouldn’t have helped these funny sentences. These were so funny I wanted to share.
Found in synagogue newsletters and announcements:
1. Don’t let worry kill you. Let your synagogue help. Join us for
our lunch after services. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer
the many who are sick of our congregation.
2. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
3. We are pleased to announce the birth of David Weiss, the sin of Rabbi and
Mrs. Abe Weiss.
4. Thursday there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All
women wishing to become Little Mothers please see the rabbi in his private
study.
5. The ladies of Hadassah have cast off clothing of every kind and they may
be seen in the basement on Tuesdays.
6. A bean supper will be held Wednesday evening in the community center.
Music will follow.
7. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the Jewish Community Center. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
8. Rabbi is on vacation. Massages can be given to his secretary.
9. Mr. Cohen will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
10. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Rob, who are preparing
for the girth of their first child.
11. We are taking up a collection to defray the cost of the new carpet in
the sanctuary. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will come
forward and get a piece of paper.
12. If you enjoy sinning, the choir is looking for you!
13. The Associate Rabbi unveiled the synagogue’s new fundraising campaign
slogan this week: “I Upped My Pledge. Up Yours.”
My source was: emailjokes.com.
1,000 Mitzvahs 